


Forever and always

by Aliciahoran21



Category: Shadowhunters, The - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 15:05:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7272925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aliciahoran21/pseuds/Aliciahoran21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I love you Magnus...forever and always'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Missing Izzy

'Alec!' I hear Simon shout, my head whipped round, grabbing my bow as quick as I could, I aligned it, pulling it back then striking it, hitting the demon right in the heart.

Adrenaline coursed through my body like never before. I got a rush killing demons I didn't get for anything else. I look to find Simon and sure enough he's stood on top of a shipping crate, his stance alert and ready to fight. Even in this darkness I can make out his fangs, and heavy breathing as he stands there in slight shock.  'Thanks.' I say my breathing ragged. He chuckles nervously mumbling a 'you're welcome'. 

Even with Simon being a vampire he still couldn't shake his nerdy, awkward side. It was endearing at times and makes him a lot cuter but it's also so annoying at times. Like, I kind of want to just grab him by the shoulders and scream at him, telling him to stop feeling so on edge around me. 

'We uh...better get back, find the others' he says, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb. 'Yeah we should.' I nod agreeing with him. He jumps off the crate and walks along beside me. Both our bodies are on high alert, but it's unusually quiet. 

We start to walk a little faster hoping to find an end to this maze and we finally find it, coming face to face with Raphael. Simon chuckles and runs up to him embracing him tightly, so tight that Raphael stumbles back a little chuckling also, then wrapping his arms around his loved one. 

My body feels awkward. I don't know what to do with myself so I start to leave, having felt I've overstayed my visit. I go to find the others and sure enough the first person I find is Jace with Clary. 'Where's izzy?' I ask, assuming Jace would have seen her at some point. I hadn't seen her all night so I assumed she had been with Jace or Clary, hell maybe even Simon, considering they're good friends.

They share a look between the two of them that sets my heart racing in the worst way possible. 'Jace. Where's my sister' I demand. 'We...we were hoping she'd be with you Alec' Clary says and my breathe stops along with my heart. I run off screaming Isabelle's name as loudly as I could. 

I had run the perimeter three times and the area three times also before I finally collapsed of exhaustion. I pulled out my phone dialling Magnus' number. He picked up instantly 'Alexander...to what do I owe the pleasure?' I sat up slightly, 'Magnus please tell me my sister is with you' I say my voice cracking towards the end of my sentence.

'Alexander...I haven't seen her since yesterday'. I heard the sympathy in his voice and I finally let my tears fall. 'I'm sorry Alec, but I'm sure she's safe, she's probably with Luke or Meliorn. I'll send out my warlocks to look for her, nevertheless Alexander, try not to worry yourself too much. Please.' Magnus' voice was soft and reassuring, calming me just that little like it always did. Consequently i still couldn't help but think the worst of what had happened to my little sister. I couldn't lose her. 

'Thank you' I say sniffling a little, my throat feeling dry and sore even though I hadn't done much to damage it. 'Anything to keep your mind at ease. I'll text you if we see her' Magnus says and my heart flutters at his words. 'Goodbye Alexander, get some rest soon' Magnus finishes and with that he's gone. I hold my phone to my ear just that little bit longer in hopes he's still there. I hear nothing more and decide I should go back to the others. 

I pull myself off the floor and venture off, my whole body feeling weak. Just as I turn the corner I see Simon and Raphael running towards me. They stop and grab me by the arms and legs. Exhausted after all the running and mini break down I had encountered, I let them carry me, not caring how weak I look. Before I know it I feel my eyes start to close and I fall asleep against Simons shoulder as he holds me up under the arms, Raphael carrying my legs.


	2. Now Simon

I woke up with a pounding pain in my head and a nausea feeling in my stomach. I checked the time on my phone seeing it was just gone 7am. I saw I had several messages from Magnus also saying that he has found Isabelle and she's with him currently. 

I reply with a thank you and jump out of bed. I head to the shower and turn it on in hopes that a shower will get rid of my headache. 

My mind starts to wonder off and I find myself thinking of Magnus. The warlock had changed my whole world for the better and he knows it. I know he likes me, he admitted it himself; I just didn't know what to say myself. 

My heart jumped and I had to fight a smile however my stomach filled with nausea and my mind filled with so many worries I couldn't think of anything to say. 

I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell him I liked him back but I couldn't. I knew the complications that would occur with us being together and I couldn't live with myself if a shadow was thrown upon our family because of me. Just like when we first met, I became a stuttering, mumbling mess. Magnus often has that effect on me, he makes me forget everything I know and how to do the simplest of things like breathe. He has a hold over me and I don't know what I can do about it.

A sudden banging on my bathroom door and shouts of my name pulled me out of my thoughts. 

'Alec are you in there?' I heard Jace shout as he pounded on my door, similar to the pounding in my head that hadn't ceased at all. 'Yeah, I'll be out in a minute' I shout back at him. I don't get a reply so I assume he's left to wait for me. I turn off the water feeling a chill as the warmth that had surrounded me left. I grab my towel and leave to get changed.

Fifteen minutes later I'm walking to find Jace when my phone suddenly starts going off. The caller ID says 'Raphael' and my mind fills me with confusion, 'hello?' I say as I answer. 'Alec? I-It's Simon. H-he's gone missing a-and I can't find h-him and h-he won't answer his P-phone' Raphael says through tears his voice hiccuping. 'Meet us at Magnus'' I say to him and hang up before he can say anything more.

Just as I get into the main part of the institute I see Jace talking to clary. I run up to them, 'come on, Simons gone missing and Isabelle is at Magnus', we need to go.' Before they say anything i start running out the institute to Magnus'. And I wonder to myself whether I'm running to see izzy or Magnus.

When I finally get to his apartment I let myself in, knowing Magnus won't mind. 

I see my sister sat on his sofa, and she looks exhausted, she looks to me and her face lights up, any evidence of fatigue gone. Isabelle gets up and runs to me, jumping on me nearly knocking the two of us over, tears fill in my eyes and I find myself subconsciously smiling, knowing the most important woman in my life is safe and sound. She pulls away and I put her down gently and kiss her on the cheek. 

'I was so worried about you Izzy' I mumble barely audible for her to hear. 'I'm sorry. Meliorn and I spent the night together and  my phone got stolen so I couldn't contact anyone, thankfully though Magnus found us and told me you were worried so I came straight back here, seriously I'm sorry for worrying you Alec.' I chuckle and tell her it's fine. 

Within seconds Magnus appears and my heart skips a beat as I see him dressed in all black, still elegant enough for Magnus however. Glitter lays under his eyes and his eyes shine just as brightly, as I smile at him. 'Hello Alexander' he says in a low tone, sending a shiver down my spine. He places his hands on his hips and looks between us. 'Uh, so Simon is missing. Raphael should be here any minute, I told him to come he-' I was interrupted suddenly as Jace and clary walked through the door, panting evident they'd been running also. 

'Ah, Raphael is already here. He got here about 5 minutes ago I would say. He's in my bedroom trying to calm himself down.' Magnus explains and I can't help but stare at his lips as he talks. They way he has a slight smile on them causes my heart to beat just that little bit faster.

'So what's going on?' Clary asks standing next to Isabelle. 'Simons missing' we hear a deep voice say from the Magnus' bedroom door. We look and see Raphael stood leaning against the door frame his arms crossed over his chest, looking as if he might collapse at any moment from exhaustion. 'What?!' Clary screeches her face full of fear, her eyes swimming with worry.

'We need to find him! Like now! He could be any where, possibly even dead!' She carries on to practically scream. 'Don't you think we know that? Don't you think that's not what has been running through my mind non stop since he's been gone?!' Raphael's voice booms, his voice shaking the apartment. His stance is a lot more ragged and his fangs are bearing, his cheeks flushed red with anger. 'Hey! Don't take this out on clary! He's her best friend don't forget' Jace says instantly defending Clary just like always. 

'No, he's right Jace. I'm sorry Raphael I know you're worried it's just...don't worry. I'm sorry.' Clary's cheeks hold a deep Crimson colour as she apologises. 

'Luke. His pack can trace him surely' Isabelle suddenly spoke up. 'Wonderful idea Isabelle' Magnus says as he starts to walk across his living room to the open kitchen. 'It's nice to know Alec doesn't hold all the good traits in the lightwood family' he flirts winking at me. I feel myself smile lightly and my face start to burn with embarrassment.

'Anybody like a drink?' Magnus asks from the kitchen. 'Can I have some water please Magnus?' Clary asks taking a seat on his sofa. 'And me please' Isabelle says.

'I'm gonna go call Luke' Jace says as he leaving the apartment to get some quiet. I watch him leave then turn to face the others coming face to face with Magnus, I jump slightly due to such close proximity and he chuckles lowly at me. 'Did I scare you Alexander?' He asks smirking. 'Just a little' I mumble looking to the floor trying to hide my smile.

'How are you feeling? Raphael told me about how you were so worked up about Isabelle yesterday that you collapsed. I was worried about you.' Magnus says his voice brawling. In all honesty I was fine. I had no reason not to be apart from the fact I'm a closeted gay with a crush on the high warlock of Brooklyn and even if we're seen hugging it would cause complications with my family and the Lightwood name. Let's not forget about the drama that comes with being a Shadowhunter and having such close relations with vampires and werewolves as well as ceelies. 

'I'm good. I was just worried about Izzy was all and I had tired myself out. You needn't worry Magnus' I say smiling. 'There's never a time I'm not worrying about you Alexander'.

'He's on his way with some of his pack. Jace says as he enters back into Magnus apartment, breaking our little moment up. I was slightly glad as I had no idea what to say back to Magnus but also disappointed as he was no longer so close to me and the air has now turned a little colder since I can't feel his warmth.

'I'll go get one of Simons tops or something' Raphael mutters. 'D-do you want someone to come with you?' Isabelle asks standing up off the sofa. 'No. I need some time to think. Thank you though' Raphael answers the slightest smile on his face. Raphael and I had never been close but seeing him so lost and hurt without Simon hurt me a little as well. I can't even comprehend what he's currently feeling as he has a different level of connection with Simon than I do with any one. Maybe that's because I'm not in love. 

I look to my left and see Magnus stood beside me staring with a frown upon his face and I start to rethink me not being in love.

Maybe I am. 

I just wish I could do something about it though.

 

 

This is horrifically terrible and it's all over the place so I'm really sorry but I had to publish something. I hope you enjoyed it.


	3. His hands

Jace, Raphael, clary, izzy and I were all currently walking through the woods, following Luke as he tacked Simon's scent. 'Is there any way you could go faster?' Raphael asks, his voice tentative and worry drips off every word. 'I'm trying my best, I promise Raphael' Luke answers looking at Raphael with a sadness in his eyes. 'I know, sorry' Raphael whispers, getting quieter with every vowel pronounced. My heart aches for Raphael and I feel myself frown. 'Penny for your thoughts?' I hear Clary say beside me. 'Just worried about Simon is all' I say smiling down at her. Clary has always been caring, even when I didn't like her to start off I would at least give her credit for always being caring. 

'He's close by. Like, really close' Luke says as he looks around. 'Over here' simon says as he starts running off into the woods, 'follow me' Luke says, his voice low as he starts running off. Clary and Izzy keep up with Luke however Jace and I stay behind a little incase anyone is to try and attack us. As we kept running two bodies came into sight. Raphael was leaning over Simons body repeating two little words; 'te amo'. 

My face blushed deeply as I watched the heart wrenching scene unfold before me. Izzy steps forward placing her hand on his shoulder gently, 'we need to get him to magnus' she says, 'we need to know what's happened.' 

When we finally arrive at Magnus' apartment we press the button under the name 'bane' and await for him. 'Hi, Magnus isn't here right now, this is his maid, please leave your name and I'll be sure to tell him you dropped by'. Magnus says in a girly voice. I feel my heart beat faster and I smile at the floor stupidly at him. Magnus has never been a people person and knowing he'd do something like this just to avoid talking to someone made my heart flutter. 'Magnus, it's us' clary says, her voice laced with seriousness. 'We found Simon.' 

Magnus doesn't reply however a buzzing noise breaks the silence that was sitting between us all. Luke heads in first, holding the door open for Raphael who was carrying Simon's limp body. 

Once we'd descended up the stairs to the top floor we see Magnus stood In his doorway, arms folded over his chest. His hair was messy and unruly, nevertheless holding shimmers of glitter. His usual glitter under his eyes however was smeared and he looked as though he had been crying. My stomach filled with worry, however I didn't have much time to dwell as Magnus quickly ushers us all inside. 

Raphael gently places Simon on Magnus' couch as we all stand awkwardly around the room. 'Where did you find him?' Magnus asks rolling his sleeves up pottering over to where Simon lay peacefully. 

'Inside the bluebell woods' Clary answered walking over to stand next to him. I'd never admit it out loud but I had always been a little jealous of Clary's relationship with Magnus. He cared deeply for her as if she were his niece and he'd fight to the death to protect (that's something he would never admit) her. And I always found myself having to tame the green eyed monster awakening inside me whenever they had one of their conversations or he told her things in confident. 

'I expect it was vampire rouges attacking Simon. He's still not used to fighting for himself so he would have been an easy target. It's obvious he's got claw marks, so possible they didn't want to do any real damage, consequently it seems as though that didn't work out.' Magnus bends down next to Simons body and hovers his hand over him. 

A dark royal purple starts to dance from the palm of his hand down onto Simons body, getting lighter and lighter, casting a lilac colour to shield his chest. Magnus closes his eyes and inhales deeply, this lasts for another minute or so before the ground starts to shake, books fall off his book shelf, glasses start to shatter and fall out of his open cupboards, paintings fall off walls and ornaments fall off shelves. The colours erupting from Magnus' hands suddenly turn black, fading into a dark blue, spreading to cover Simon's entire body. 

We all stand around, our hearts pounding in our chest, our legs weak, our minds racing with worry, all of a sudden there comes a heart shattering scream as Simon's body lurches itself upwards, a gush of wind flows around the room, so powerful it nearly knocks us all over. The screaming stops, Simons body finally relaxes and the colours turn into a light shade of purple and pink. 

Magnus exhales and opens his eyes letting his hands fall to his sides. He stands up momentarily then sways a bit before his body collapses to the floor in exhaustion.

'Magnus!' I shout subconsciously, rushing to catch him before he hits the floor. I look up to everyone with wide eyes, 'take him to his room' Luke tells me and heads off into the kitchen. I place my arms under Magnus' legs and arms, standing up I carry him bridal style into his bedroom. I place him on the edge on the bed gently and pull up a chair so I can sit next to him. 'Oh Magnus, why are you always exhausting yourself' I whisper to him as I push a strand of hair out of his face.

Not even five seconds later Luke comes in with a glass of water and two pills of paracetamol for Magnus once he wakes up. 'Simon is in the guest room, he woke up for a few seconds but then fell back asleep so Raphael and Clary are in his room looking over him. Do you want someone in here with you?' Luke informs me. I think about his question then decide against it. I'd rather be alone with Magnus while he rests. 'No, we'll be fine. Thanks for the water and pills for him though' I say smiling at him. 'Don't worry yourself too much Alec. You should know by now Magnus will do anything for us and he hasn't done any real damage to himself, he just needs a few hours sleep and he'll be back to himself' Luke reassures me smiling. I smile back at him and thank him and he leaves. 

I look to Magnus and see how exhausted he looks, I place my hand on his tentatively, worried I'm pushing things too far. I mean, we are only friends, but I just need this right now. I lace our fingers together and I feel Magnus' fingers twitch slightly and I smile to myself. Maybe I'm not pushing things too far. I just wish he would wake up soon so I can hear his voice again. 

Jesus I hate this so much, it's so crappy.


	4. Marriage?

It had been a few days since Magnus exhausted himself and I haven't left him since. Whether he's fine now or not doesn't matter, I refuse to let him out of my sight. Thankfully however he doesn't particularly mind. 'So, Alexander, surely you have some...Shadowhunter business you could attend to today?' Magnus asks as we walk down the high street. I look down to him with a furrowed brow 'trying to get rid of me magnus?' I ask, smirking slightly however it feels more like a smile, crossing my arms over my chest. 'Oh, the contrary my dear. It's just' Magnus says, carrying on with our walk to the local cafe 'you've not left me for three days since I saved Simon, I can assure you Alexander that I am well and fine and I wouldn't want to stop you from attending your duties as a Shadowhunter' he explains as we turn  and stop at the traffic lights and await the green to go.

'I explained to the institute I would be taking a few days off for personal reasons and they understand so, no. I don't. I mean, I could go and tell them I'm no longer needed' I say smiling down at Magnus. 'Now now Alexander, no need to make such rash decisions is there? I'm sure I can handle another day of having you all to myself' he says, a glint shimmering in his brown eyes, 'exactly' I say to him chuckling as I throw an arm over his shoulders 'now come on, I'm in need of a coffee'.

Times like this with Magnus were always my favourite. Even when talking about Shadowhunter business I felt as if I could easily forget it. Magnus made me worry less and made me think less. He was a distraction but he was a distraction I was happy to have in my life. 

We enter the coffee shop and I let my arm fall from his shoulders and I open the door for Magnus to enter first. He thanks me and heads to the short line as we wait for our order to be taken. 'Let me pay this time' I say to Magnus and he looks up at the board, which holds all options of beverage. 'Nope' Magnus says nonchalantly not taking his gaze off the black board. 'What? Why not? You've paid each time, I must owe you like twenty dollars worth of coffee' I say looking down at his face. His lips are in a tight line and his eyes are moving, he pouts and I feel my heart expand just that little bit at his adorable expression. 'You're staring Alexander' he says smirking turning to face me, we move forward a bit in the line and I find myself lost for words 'a-actually I'll have you know I was waiting for your answer' he looks at me, disbelief dancing in his eyes, 'ok, here's my answer: no. You're not paying. You also owe me nothing, you're taking time out of your duties to look after me (even though it's not exactly needed) so the least I can do is buy you a coffee' he says. We move forward a little bit more and i groan, 'c'mon Magnus, just this once' I say pleading 'if you really want to buy me something buy me dinner' he says boldly. My heart feels like it's about to burst at the seams and his smile widens even more, 'd-did you just ask me out on a date?' I ask Magnus, my head spins and my palms become sweaty. 'Oh Alexander i've been taking you on little dates the past three days' he says chuckling, 'this however will be you taking me on a date' he says smirking 'you have to ask me properly though obviously' he says, he goes past me moving forward and orders both our drinks, I find myself lost for words. Magnus has been taking me on dates for days and he didn't even tell me? How's that fair? Can you even class them as dates considering I wasn't aware. 'Bloody move then' I head a harsh voice whisper to me, and I see a older man stood in front of me scowling at me, I look behind me and see Magnus chuckling as he holds both of our now ready drinks, my cheeks become covered with a dark crimson colour as I feel myself blush. 'I-i uh, sorry' I say to the stranger, 'whatever, just move already' he snaps back at me 'I-uh yeah of course, sorry again' I say moving out of the way of the now much larger line and head out of the shop, a giggling Magnus following me suite. 

I turn to face him and take the drink with my name on and glare at him. 'That was so funny' Magnus says doubling over with laughter. 'Yeah for you' I mutter, I feel my cheeks become just a little bit warmer as I take a sip of my soothing drink. 'Oh Alexander' Magnus says still chuckling, he places a hand on my cheek 'don't worry yourself, you'll probably never see any of them ever again' he removes his hand and I now can't tell whether my cheek is warm from his touch or because of embarrassment. 'Come on, let's go back to mine' Magnus says and with that he's off. I take a few big steps and already I had caught up with him which wasn't hard due to my height. 

When we finally reach Magnus' apartment there's a ringing sound coming from inside and Magnus quickly opens his door to answer the phone 'hello?' He says placing his now empty coffee cup on the side 'that's me yes' I pick up his empty coffee cup and place it in the bin along with mine and take a seat on a chair next to the sofa, as quick as I'm sat down chairman meow is on my lap nuzzling his head into my head craving attention 'no. I refuse. This is something you should be discussing with the High Warlock of Sydney, not me.' Magnus says. His voice has gone cold and his eyes contrast a bright yellow, his anger radiating off him. He stands up quickly and starts pacing his living room as he rubs his forehead, 'what does he have to say about this?' Magnus asks stopping. He scoffs loudly muttering an 'of course'. 'Look, I don't really understand how this affects me, this was a thousand centuries ago, long before I was born, why's it suddenly coming up now?' He asks walking over to his window looking out. He lets out a deep breathe and falls to the floor leaning against the wall, 'surely there's something else we can do' Magnus' voice is laced with worry as he pleads for something, what of I'm not sure.

'If this is our last resort fine. I'll do It. It's only for 10 years right? Then fine. I'll do it. Give me the contacts to him and I'll arrange a meeting with him. What's his name any way?' Magnus says standing up heading back towards the sofa 'pretty name. As I said, give me their contact details and I'll arrange a meeting for us to discuss the plans. Yes, okay, bye' Magnus hangs up and places his head on his hands I quickly get up and wrap my arms around his shoulders as his body starts shaking. He looks up at me, his make up smeared, heartbreak and worry flooding his eyes and my heart breaks at the sight. 

'I'm being set up for marriage' Magnus says, his voice cracking and in that moment I can't tell whether my heart broke more from hearing those words or the idea of my life with Magnus not being mine.

Idek what I'm doing with this story any more. But yeah, here ya go:)

Hope you enjoy this story BC I swear I never know what I'm writing lmao


	5. Meeting James

3 days. It had been 3 days since I'd last seen Magnus. Not out of choice, it's just he's been too busy planning on meeting whoever the hell he's going to marry. I don't know why I'm so worked up about it if I'm honest. I mean, it's not like we were together or anything. Hell I'm not even a hundred percent sure I even like him in that way. I do get butterflies whenever I'm with him though. And I suppose he is someone I could see myself with, let's not forget how even the mention of his name my heart skips a beat. But that doesn't mean I love him right? I mean, what if it's just, stronger feelings because we're stronger as friends? I'm sure that's all it is. 

A sudden weight on my shoulder brings me out of my thoughts and I see a hand there, I spin around and follow the limb attached to the body and see Jace stood behind me. 'You alright?' He asks, concern shining in his eyes. 'I-uh yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?' I say chuckling nervously. He looks at me skeptically but drops the subject nevertheless, just as he drops his hand also. 'Magnus is throwing a dinner party tonight. He wants us all to meet his fiancé...I was wondering if you wanted to come?' Jace asks with a certain softness in his voice. My heart sinks at the reason behind his dinner party. And who even throws dinner parties? Not Magnus that's for sure. 'Sure' I say involuntarily, and as soon as the words leave my lips I regret it. 'Great, be ready for 6' he says smiling. He turns around and heads off somewhere, my body falls against the wall and I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding back. I push myself off it and decide that if I'm going to meet magnus' fiancé then I need to look presentable.

/./ *voice from spongebob* few hours later /./

'I'm so excited to meet his fiancé!' Clary exclaims, her hair bouncing as vibrantly as the colour it is while she jumps around a smile gracing her face. 'Yeah, another couple that gets to be rubbed in my face' Izzy says with a scowl falling upon her face. She's been ever so bitter since her and Meliorn broke up. I can't blame her though, he was a dick about it. It took ten men to hold Jace and I back from killing him for breaking our sisters heart. I look down to her and smile sadly as i wrap my arms around her, 'I know how you feel, trust me' she smiles back up at me, a hidden sadness behind it though. Before I'm even aware of it we're stood outside Magnus' apartment. I feel my anxiety creep out and my heart begins beating too hard and fast for me to cope with. My head starts spinning and I feel my mind cloud with dark thoughts. My breathing becomes heavier as I try to calm myself but to no avail it doesn't work. I feel a hand slip into mine and I see Izzy stood next to me holding a warm smile, 'you'll be fine, I promise. I bet this guy is well ugly as well. Just breathe and count to ten okay?'   
I close my eyes and start counting as I breathe, but before I can even get to five Magnus opens the door. My eyes snap open at the sound of his voice and I feel my heart beating just as hard and fast but for an entirely different reason. He looks so...plain. There's next to no glitter in his hair. He's wearing no eyeliner and his attire is a dark suit with a dark blue tie. His nails however still hold the dark blue colour they always do. 

'Come on in' he says, a warm welcoming smile plastered on his face. As we enter his living room I realise that there's a not as much room as there usually is. Which is probably due to the moving boxes that are huddled in the corner. 'You're moving?' I feel myself ask as I stare at the boxes. 'Oh Alexander, don't be silly. That's all of James' stuff' Magnus says chuckling. I smile falsely back at him and suddenly there's a voice emitting from the hallway, 'what's all my stuff?' I hear a gruff voice ask. And of course this guy has to have the most amazing accent there is. The guys freaking Australian! Let me guess, he's got toned muscles and abs, a chiseled jawline and cheekbones that look like they were carved from the gods themselves.   
As his features come into view I feel myself internally throw myself off a bridge. Of course everything I said before is true. Not to mention his chocolate brown eyes, and elegant brown hair to match. This guy is freaking perfect in every way! 

'I need air' I say as I head towards Magnus' balcony. I open the door and step out into the cold crisp air, the freezing temperature calming my boiling body. 'Alexander?' I hear the all to amazing voice behind me. I roll my eyes and turn to face this James guy. 'Yes?' I ask, my voice bittersweet. 'I'm uh- I'm James. Y'know, the guy-' 'yes I know. The guy who's marrying Magnus. I'm not an idiot I know who you are' I say interrupting him harshly. His eyes go wide and I feel guilty for speaking to him like that. I mean, it's not his fault all this is happening. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to snap' I say. He smiles at me and sure enough, just to make matters even that little bit better: HE HAS FUCKING DIMPLES. 'That's fine, I was just coming to introduce myself really, but apparently you already know who I am' he says chuckling nervously. 'We'd better go back inside' I say pointing to the party behind him. 'Y-yeah I agree' he says. He turns to leave and I feel myself calling his name, he faces me and awaits my words 'look after him' I whisper so quiet I don't think even the most advanced hearing werewolf would hear me. His dazzling freaking features soften and he smiles just as soft at me, 'how could I not'. He answers before heading back into the party.

I stay out for another thirty seconds then decide to head back in myself, dreading the long night ahead.

 

I've decided that I'm going to put Isabelle and clary together and Jace is going to be put with someone else later on in the story. I've also decided to carry on this book:) anyway, hope you liked this chapter, also James is a nice guy okay? So please don't hate him. You'll see just how lovely he is soon.xxx


	6. Embarrassment

'So, Alec is it? Have you got anyone special in your life?' James asks me. Magnus' hand is resting atop of James' and I feel myself longing for that. 'Um...I'm not sure. I mean, it's kind of unrequited if anything' I mutter, taking a sip of my red wine. Just like always, Magnus outdid himself with the catering. 'Oh no, that must be horrible. I couldn't imagine not being able to be with this one' James says planting a kiss on the back of Magnus' hand. Magnus smiles but I know it's fake. It must be. He can't have fallen in love with this guy within like three days. 'So what's his name?' James asks turning back to me, I choke on my drink, some falling down my chin and I try to wipe it awake as quickly as possible 'uh, I-I mean, that-is that really important? L-like we're never gonna be together so surely, surely he's irrelevant' my words come out in a giant clusterfuck and I excuse myself from the table leaving the apartment completely. Once I'm out I lean against the wall and take deep breaths. Once I've composed myself I head down the stairs trying my best to forget tonight's events.

 

Sorry this is so short, I just didn't really know how else to write:))


	7. Not fair

'This isn't fair!' I scream at Isabelle, tugging at my hair furiously. 'I'm sorry alec' she whispers, I barely hear her however, due to the thoughts in my head being too loud. Everything's too loud, I can't concentrate. Images flash through my mind of them two, laughing and kissing, anger courses through my body. My breathing ragged I drop my hands looking at Izzy. 'Why's this happening?' I ask her, my voice breaking at the end, tears filling my eyes as my heart shatters. 'I can't be in love with Magnus' I say before I collapse to my knees, crying uncontrollably. Sadness is soon overrun by anger and I clench my fist, punching the wooden floor as hard as I can several times, drawing blood before Isabelle comes and wraps her arms around me. She rocks me gently as I feel my ribs shake with every breathe I take and my heart breaks with every tear that falls down my cheek.

More images flash through my mind of earlier today and all the tears stop, my breathing becomes shallow and my heart stops beating. Numb. Everything's numb. I pull away and look at Isabelle and see her tear stained cheeks, I wipe away her tears quickly and apologise. 'Don't be silly big brother, you have nothing to apologise for' she smiles chuckling weakly at me. 'Get some sleep Alec.' She says kissing my cheek and getting up. 

She leaves me and I sit on the floor for a few more minutes before my ringtone breaks the silence. I grab it out of my pocket and see Magnus' name flash up. 'Alexander? Are you okay?' He asks as soon as I answer. My heart flutters too quickly at his voice and I repress it as much as I can. 'I'm fine, why?' I whisper out, standing up off the floor,  heading to the bathroom to clear the blood of my knuckles off. 'I-I don't know...I just...I had a feeling something was wrong.' He answers. I hear james' voice in the background and I feel the urge to throw my phone out the window. 'I-um...I have to go Alexander. Can we meet tomorrow? Just me and you?' Of course he has to go. His fiancé is waiting for him. 'Sorry Magnus. I'm busy tomorrow. Good night' I say sharply hanging up on him. I stare at my screen then feel guilt. This isn't Magnus' fault, he didn't ask for this. Then again I don't exactly thinks he's hating it.

I place my phone on the side and get ready for bed. Grabbing it once again I put it on charge and get straight into sleep, exhaustion taking over my body.

The next morning I wake up, my hand barley movable and every bone in my body aches. I reach for my phone and see I have a text from Magnus saying 'good morning Alexander, shame we can't meet today. I was hoping to see you, I miss you dearly. Hope you're okay x'. My heart skips and I just ignore the message. It's best I keep him out of my life. He doesn't need me. He has James.

A few hours later once I'm showered and dressed I head out my room and instantly bump into Izzy. 'Big brother, how are you?' She asks, concern evident on her face, her arms crossed over her chest in a formal manner. 'I'm uh, I'm okay. I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't know what came over me' I say, looking to the floor in shame. 'It's fine. We don't have to talk about anything just yet, just know that I'll be ready when you are.' She says smiling at me. I smile back and thank her.

'Clary and I are off to get some breakfast, would you like to join us?' She asks unfolding her arms, linking them with me as we start walking,'sure, what about Jace?' I ask as we turn a corner. 'He's busy this morning, didn't tell me what it was though.' She answers as we turn another corner as clary comes into sight.

She smiles brightly at us both, getting up off the bench she was sat on. 'Ready?' She says smiling at us. She always had been a bright bubbly person. 'Sure'. We say in unison. She lets go of my arm and links it with clary as they go off in front of me slightly. I don't mind, they're happy and that's all that matters. My phone starts ringing and I pull it out of my pocket huffing slightly. The caller ID says 'Raphael' and I feel confusion filling my chest, surely he should be asleep by now. I pick it up however and instantly pull it away again because of Raphael's shouting in my ear.

He carries on for about three minutes before it goes silent. 'Hello to you to' I say chuckling. 'This isn't funny Lightwood, Magnus has just been calling me in a fret, he thought you hated him because of how sharp you were with him last night AND you read his message this morning but didn't reply. Have you any idea how hard it is to calm down a 800 year old warlock?! It's very hard! I wouldn't be surprised if he's all out of tears for eternity because of you!' Raphael carries on shouting down the phone to me. 

My heart fills with sorrow. I'd made Magnus cry...he's the last person I'd ever want to make cry. 'Oh...I'm sorry...ill text him' I say trying to calm the vampire down. 'You better. I could be in bed right now cuddling Simon but no, I'm here sorting out your bloody relationship problems with Magnus.' Raphael says bitterly. 'M-Magnus and I don't have a relationship.' I stutter out. He groans in response muttering a 'whatever' before hanging up. I instantly text Magnus back telling him morning and that I hope he has a good day. It's nothing like I'd want to say but it'll have to do.

'Alec? You coming?' I hear clary ask and I look up from my phone and carry on walking with them, my mind constantly wondering to Magnus. 

Also, I'm thinking of making clizzy and thing and jace&lydia a thing. Would you be up for that?:)


	8. Sorry.

'Alec this needs to stop' Jace says as he comes barging into my room. My head peers up from the covers and already I feel like shrinking back under them as his gaze makes me feel uneasy. 'You've been ignoring everyone for a good two weeks. You have duties Alec. Stop avoiding them.' He says before walking out. He was right. I couldn't just sit and mope around in bed all day. I needed to sort my life out.

I jumped out of bed, feeling as gross as I felt and headed for the shower. Once I was cleaned up and clothed I headed out the institute and decided to go grab something to eat. I sent a quick text to Izzy asking if she wanted to join me. I needed my sister with me for today. Once I was at a suitable restaurant I sent her a text of the location and she text back with a 'be there soon:)X' 

It felt nice being out of the house, the cool air helped bring me back into reality. I picked up my phone and decided to play a few games while I waited for Izzy. Sure to her promise she was with me within three minutes and turning heads as she walked through the doors. I got up from my chair giving her a long hug. I realised then how much I had missed my little sister.

'It's good seeing you out of the house big brother' she said smiling as she pulled away and sat down opposite me. 'Yeah, Jace came in to see me and kind of made me realise how melodramatic I was being about Magnus.' I say picking up a menu. 'I mean, not really, anyone can see how much you like each other so it must have been hard for you to see him with someone else' she argues back for me. Izzy made sense. I really did like Magnus and it hurt a lot knowing that someone else was kissing his lips and holding his hand.

'Oh well. There's nothing I can do. Anyway, what are you having?' I ask trying to change the subject she huffs loudly and we carry on with the meal. Just as we were about to walk out the door Magnus and James walk through the door hand in hand, laughing loudly. My stomach drops and my heart begins to race as I make eye contact with Magnus. 

'Magnus, James, hi!' Izzy is the first to speak, her voice cheerful as she goes to hug the pair. 'It's so nice seeing you' she says. 'Hey guys, how've you been?' James asks smiling at us both, however I pay no attention as Magnus keeps his eyes locked with mine, a hidden sadness behind them. I break eye contact and smile weakly at James and realise he had asked me a question. 'Sorry?' I ask. 'I asked if you wanted to join us' James says chuckling. 'Oh, er no thank you. We've eaten' I say and start to leave. I walk between James and Magnus and feel a grip on my wrist holding me from moving more. I know who it is instantly as tingles run up and down my arm, goosebumps form and my hairs stand up on the back of my neck. 'Alexander' I hear Magnus whisper out 'please talk to me' I hear his voice crack at the end and I turn to face him. His eyes well up with tears and I can't take it any longer. I needed to leave. I rip my arm from his grip and leave the restaurant. 

Once I turn the corner I lean against the wall and try to catch my breath. I send a text to Magnus saying 'I'm sorry' and delete his number. I need to leave Magnus to get on with his own life. Without me.


	9. Fear

It had been a few days since I'd seen Magnus. He hadn't replied to my text, and he hasn't tried to contact me either. I was getting regular updates from Izzy on the wedding when I honestly didn't want to know about it. 

'Alec there's a letter for you' Jace comes over to me handing it me. My head fills with confusion since we shouldn't be able to get mail. And then worry fills me that it's from the Clave. 'Alexander Lightwood' is on the front of the envelope in cursive writing.

I turn it over and open it gently, I notice it doesn't have the usual red stamp sealing the envelope of the clave and relax a little. Once it's opened I pull it out and my heart drops. 'Well? What is it?' I hear Jace ask with interest. 'It's uh' I stutter clearing my throat. 'It's a wedding invitation to Magnus and James' wedding' i look up to Jace and see he has a look of sadness on his face. I smile at him and decide to go plan what I'm going to wear. I can't ignore them forever. And if Magnus truly is happy then I should support him. Even if it's not with me.

Once I have a decent suit sorted from Izzy I send a text to Magnus asking for him to meet me for coffee. I need to speak to him and explain things. We plan to meet up in half an hour at the local coffee shop and I leave the institute now, there being no point in me staying here with nothing to do. I walk down many roads and finally turn the final corner. The coffee shop comes in to view and I see Magnus stood outside waiting for me, smiling at his phone. 

He looks up and smiles at me once I say his name. 'Alexander, this is a surprise' he says chuckling. I flush a red and rub the back of my neck laughing back awkwardly. Thinking back to how I had acted towards Magnus the past few weeks I feel ashamed. I shouldn't have just ignored him the way I did.

'Yeah, I uh, wanted to speak to you about something' I mumble. 'Well before we do anything, I'm dying for a smoothie so let's head inside yeah?' He suggests and I agree pulling open the door for him. He smiles at me thanking me silently and I feel my heart skip not just one but several beats. 'Magnus really is beautiful' i think to myself and subconsciously smile back.

We give an order and are told to take a seat and the drinks will be brought over to us. 'So, what's wrong Alexander?' Magnus asks leaning back in his chair. 'I wanted to apologise. For how I've been acting the past few weeks to you and James' I say not breaking eye contact. His smile falters slightly and I feel panic fill my veins. What did I say wrong? However his smile is instantly picked back up and he chuckles softly. 'Alexander dear, you needn't apologise. It was a shock and we all handle it in different ways. And yours was to shun me from your life' he says winking. My cheeks burn a crimson colour and I have to get rid of any inappropriate thoughts of him winking at me in bed, before it's too late. 

'No. It wasn't fair to you. I mean, it's not even me getting married, it's you. I just...' I sigh loudly and I contemplate telling him everything. 'Fuck it' I think to myself. 

'I really like you Magnus. And I know I shouldn't be saying this since you literally just gave me an invitation to your wedding but, seeing you with James just hurts me a lot. Knowing I can never be that person for you. And i just...I don't know. You're happy and for me that's all that matters.' I finish off. 

I realise I had been looking in to my lap the whole time and look up to Magnus who still hadn't said anything. I see that there's tears in his eyes and I feel my heart drop. 'Oh Alexander' he whispers out taking my hand from across the table. Before any more can be said a waitress comes over with our drinks. She hands us our drinks and winks to Magnus. He smiles sheepishly and let's go of my hand. 

'You guys make a cute couple' the waitress says smiling, leaving before we can deny any form of relationship other than friendship. Magnus chuckles and starts to drink his smoothie before he looks up to me, his tears no longer evident in his eyes. 'You're staring' he says smirking. 'Sorry' I mutter, starting to sip at my drink. There's a few minutes of silence between us, apart from the low hum of the coffee shop music and a few friends and couples talking back and forth. I feel Magnus' eyes on me the whole time and I resist any urge I get to squirm under his intense gaze. 

'Did you mean what you said?' He asks breaking the silence hanging over us. I cast my eyes up to meet his, 'of course I did' I say. 'I like you too Alexander. A lot. But I need to go through with this marriage. For the sake of every other warlock' Magnus says, his voice thick with sympathy. 'It's fine, I understand' I answer back. 'I'm really glad you're talking to me again though' he says, his voice lighter and happier.

I  was happy I was talking to Magnus again as well. I had missed him so much. Just his presence made me happier. 'What about James though? Don't you like James?' I ask. Magnus leans back in his chair, he's quiet for a moment, his eyes concentrating on his drink. 'No, I do' he answers looking back to me, 'but he's not you'.

 

'And where have you been big brother?' Izzy asks as I walk through the institute doors. 'With Magnus. We met for a drink' I answer. 'And?' She pries more. 'And nothing. I told him how I felt and that's it.' I say stopping in the middle of the institute. 

'That's it? He didn't make a move or anything?' Izzy asks crossing her arms over her chest. 'Iz, he's getting married soon' 'yeah? So? Wouldn't stop me if I was him' 'that's you though Izzy. Magnus needs to go through with this wedding and I understand that. Plus I don't think I would have time for a relationship' 'wow Alec, when did you get so grown up about feelings' Izzy jokes. I push her lightly and laugh back at her. For the first time in a long time I was finally happy. I still felt like a part of me was missing but, I'm a lot more hopeful and happier than I was this time three days ago.

'Guys, there's been a demon attack in Manhattan, we need to go now' Jace says running up to us. We all run to grab our gear and head straight out the doors.

Once we're in Manhattan town we instantly spread out and I feel my heart race like never before. It had been a long time since I'd been out on a mission and I was slightly worried I'd lost touch. I hear a noise behind me and grab an arrow, pulling it back, I turn and see a demon running right to me, I let the arrow go and miss the demon. 'Fuck' I curse to myself, grabbing another arrow, as quickly as possible, I keep walking backwards and before I can grab another arrow I trip and land on my arse. The demon speeds up and I feel myself frozen on the spot. I close my eyes and fear for my life. 

YAYAYYA!! Magnus and Alec are friends again:')   
Yes I left it on a cliffhanger;)  
Thought I'd put in some action as well since there hasn't been any since the first chappie. Oops.


	10. Feelings

I opened my eyes to see the demon stood above me, watching me. I take this as my chance and grab the arrow next to me, stabbing him in the heart. 'Jesus, why didn't he just kill me?' I question to myself. I get up off the floor and head to find the others. Once I'm out the alleyway I turn right and find Magnus running towards me. 

'Have you seen the others?' I ask him. 'No I haven't. What happened to you Alexander? Why's there a gash on your cheek?' Magnus questions, taking a hold of my chin and turning my head slightly. 'A gash? I don't remember getting hit.' I say confusion running through my body. All of a sudden my legs collapse under me and I feel Magnus catch me before I hit the ground, my mind shutting down as I pass out.

*MAGNUS POV*

I look at Alexander in my arms, his face pale, his chest barely moving. 'No no no, Alexander, please wake up' I feel myself say as I shake him gently, my heart stopping completely. I get out my phone and dial Raphael's number. He picks up almost instantly and I say for him to get to mine right away. I send Izzy a text telling her to get to mine as soon as she can also and check no one is around before I open a portal to my- mine and James' apartment and step through, clutching to Alexander's body as tightly as I can. 

Within seconds I'm in the all too familiar room that is my lounge and I place Alexander on the sofa. Within a few minutes Raphael and Simon step through my door and rush over to me. 'What happened?' Simon asks, looking at Alexander's unconscious body taking up my sofa. 'I'm not sure. I'm assuming he got attacked by a demon and poison is spreading through his veins' I answer. 'What do you need? Simon and I will get it' Raphael says, taking Simons hand in his. He's scared. I can see it in his eyes. He's scared because that was Simon once, and he's scared that it could be Simon again.

I give them the list of ingredients I would need for a normal situation like this and they head out straight away. I turn back to Alexander and take his hand in mine. I can feel his pulse weakly beating against my wrist and it in some way soothes me. I brush his hair out of his face and I feel tears well up in my eyes. 'Please don't leave me Alexander. I can't live without you.' I whisper kissing his forehead, letting the tears fall. 'Magnus?' I hear a deep voice say behind me. I jump up, releasing Alexander's hand a turn to find James watching curiously. I wipe away my tears furiously and clear my throat. 'Yes dear?' I ask heading over to him. 'What happened?' He asks gesturing to Alec. 'He was attacked by a demon so now I'm just treating his wounds' I answer heading to the kitchen. 'Really? Because it looked much more than that.' He retorts, following after me. 'Don't be silly, Alec is just a friend' I say, my heart sinking like usual at the word 'friend'. 

'Do you love him?' James asks. I turn to face him, anger building up. 'Sorry?' I ask, the tone in my voice harsh. 'Do. You. Love him?' He repeats, punctuating each word. 'You're ridiculous' I say turning away from him once again, getting out everything I would need to make the potion. 'Stop avoiding the answer.' James says, sternly. 'For god sakes James. I'm trying to save a friend's life here. I'm marrying you okay! Not Alexander.' I shout. James was being ridiculous. Yes I'll admit I do have feelings for Alexander but I can't do anything about it since I have to marry James. 'You're marrying me because you have to! For the sake of warlocks. Not because you want to.' He shouts back, just as loud. And with that he turns and storms out the apartment. I huff loudly and continue getting out what's needed and set it up.

My front door opens again and I hear Isabelle call my name. 'In the kitchen darling!' I reply. She comes through, panting, clearly out of breath. 'What happened to Alec?' She asks, her eyes wide with worry.

'Demon attack sweetheart, I promise you he will be fine though. Raphael and Simon have just gone to get what I need and should -' I was interrupted by the front door opening again and before I can comprehend anything a bag is being shoved into my arms. 'We got it' Simon says from behind Raphael. I thank them and get to work. 'If you could all go keep an eye on Alec that would be great' I say as I start to grind things together. 

About ten minutes later everything is ready and I bring the paste into the living room where Izzy is holding Alec's hand and Simon and Raphael are both stood on the balcony deep in conversation, watching the city. I leave them both be and head over to Alec. 

I mix the paste one last time with the mini wooden spatula and kneel before Alec, brushing his hair out of his face one last time. I notice how much more angry and red the gash looks, the contrast between Alec's pale face and the wound would make anyone think Alec was no longer breathing. I take a deep breath and apologise for the sting that's about to come and spread the paste on to his wound. 

Alec's body jerks up and screams erupt from his throat. Simon and Raphael come running in and hold his body down. I apply the rest of the paste and the wound starts to heal almost instantly. Alec finally calms down and falls into a deep slumber. I let out a breath of air and I feel every cell in my body finally relax. 'He'll be okay' I say to myself more than anyone.

Izzy lets go of Alec's hand and stands up, 'I need the loo' she says heading down the hallway. Izzy has been here enough times to know where the toilet is without me telling her. 'You gonna be okay magnus?' I hear Raphael ask. I look up to where him and Simon are stood, hand in hand and nod smiling. 'Thank you both' I say and stand up to hug them. They hug me back awkwardly and I open a portal for them to leave out of, saving them exhausting themselves with the walk home. I take the seat Izzy was no longer using and make sure I'm alone with Alec still. I take his hand in mine and kiss his knuckles gently. 'I'm so glad you're okay Alexander, I couldn't live without you' I whisper, kissing his now healed wound which had left a slight scar.

I place his hand back at his side and wait for Izzy to return. When she does her make up is smeared and I can tell she's been crying. I walk up to her with open arms and hold her tightly as she sobs. She was so close to losing her brother tonight and if it broke my heart, I can't even begin to imagine how she feels. 

I've never been one with comforting people but I know when a hug is needed. Izzy pulls away and thanks me as she wipes her eyes heading back to sit with Alec. 'How long until he wakes back up?' She asks watching him. 'Only a few hours. We should text Jace and let him know' I say picking up the bowl that the paste was in and headed into the kitchen to clean everything up. I wasn't in the mood to be sat around thinking of anything so I started to clean things by hand. 

I hear my phone ping and I grab it oht of my pocket.  I see it's a text from James and with reading the message I feel relief. 'I'm not coming home tonight, staying in a motel. I'll be home tomorrow'. I'm not in any mood for his questions about my feelings for Alexander or sharing a bed with anyone. I need to be alone tonight. 

'I text Jace and he's coming tomorrow to see Alec with Clary. You don't mind if Alec stays over do you?' Isabelle asks walking into the kitchen as I washed things up. 'Of course not. You head home, I can look after Alexander' I say turning to face her as I place the finale utensil on the draining board and dry my hands. 

'Thank you' Isabelle says and hugs me tightly. I hug her back and head towards the door, walking her out. 'I know how you feel about Alec. But I promise I won't tell anyone' is all she says before she closes the door, not allowing me to respond. I lock the door and turn to face Alec on the sofa who was now sat up. 

I smile at him and he smiles back, 'ah, Alexander, how are you feeling?' 

Is this a cliffhanger? Idk man, but yeah:))


	11. Tea

*back to Alec's pov btw*

My whole body aches however I feel fine all the same. I look to Magnus who has a tea towel flung over his shoulder, his makeup smudged, his clothes crumpled and his hair disheveled and despite the rough look, he still looks utterly gorgeous. 

I smile at him and sit up more, leaning against the cushions 'I'm feeling fine thanks to you' I say chuckling. He smiles back at me and I feel my heart leap. 'I'm glad to hear it, couldn't have you dying on my watch' he says chuckling, heading back into the kitchen. I get up off the sofa and follow after him. 

'I'm making some bed time tea, would you like some?' He asks me, 'yes please, that'd be lovely' answer leaning against the worktop. I look around and notice it's weirdly quiet. 'Where's James?' I ask, folding my arms over my chest looking back to Magnus. His movements momentarily stop before he carries on. 'He left for the night, we had a bit of an argument while you were knocked out' he says nonchalantly. 'Oh... a-are you okay?' I ask stepping closer. 

He turns to face me looking into my eyes and smiles weakly, 'of course I am. You're okay, and no doubt me and James will sort it. The argument was over something stupid any way'

'D-do you mind me asking what it was about?' I ask, scolding myself for stuttering. I thought I'd finally got everything under control when I was around Magnus but he still makes me nervous. He still makes me stumble over my words, as my words trip off my tongue in an incoherent state. He still affects me in every way. 

He looks to the floor, almost seeming ashamed. Magnus takes a deep breath before looking back up to me. 'He believes I have feelings for you. Despite me actually having feelings for you I tried to make him see reason but he wouldn't have any of it.' Magnus told me. 

Wait. 

Did Magnus just admits his feelings towards me?

'You...have feelings for me?' I ask, needing confirmation. 'I do, Alexander. And I'm just sorry I didn't tell you sooner.' Magnus says, his voice quiet. His hair falls into his eyes and subconsciously I bring my hand up to move it away. I rest my hand up his cheek. Magnus' skin is so soft, I wonder if his skin is as soft as this on his legs, his stomach, his arms and his thighs. 

Magnus brings his hand up to hold mine in place against his cheek and my arm hairs stand up, goosebumps erupting all along my arm also. He turns his head slowly not breaking eye contact as he kisses the palm of my hand. My cheeks and ears become warm, as my whole body freaks out. Magnus bane just kissed my hand! I think to myself. He lowers both our hands and laces our fingers together smiling at me. 

'I'll show you to the guest room' he says as he pulls me along behind him, the tea long forgotten. 

He brings me some pyjamas and a towel so I can shower and leaves me alone for the night, without saying another word. My heart cracks slightly, longing to talk about our situation. Try and sort out a way we can be together. Be happy.

Tbh idk what the ending was but I'm tired okay? 

ALEC KNOES MAGNUS LIKEZ HIM OM


	12. Truth

'Magnus! Please don't leave me!' I scream as loud as I can. 'I'm sorry, Alec. I just don't love you any more.' Magnus says. He picks up his bags walking away, I run after him, my heart breaking with each step I take. 

I scream Magnus' name repeatedly my throat burning with each syllable. 'Magnus, I love you! Come back! I can't live without you!' The road I'm running on chasing after him is never ending. All of a sudden a dark shadow casts over Magnus, his head is ripped off in a horrifying way and I scream his name as I finally reach his body, cradling his lifeless body in my arms.

I feel my body being shaken harshly as I slip back into consciousness, my name being called by the all so familiar voice. 'Alexander, are you okay?' I hear Magnus say. I open my eyes, locking onto Magnus' instantly, his eyes filled with worry. My breathing is rapid and irregular, my heart beating out of my chest with every breath I take. 

'Y-yeah, just a nightmare' I mutter, wiping the the beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead. I close my eyes once more and try to even out my breathing. 'Okay, if you're sure. I'm heading back to bed' he says, leaving me, just like in the nightmare. 

Panic fills me and I grab his wrist 'please don't leave' I say looking up at him. He sighs deeply, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Just the sight before me calms my heart in a way it shouldn't. 'I'm awfully tired Alexander, I need to sleep. I have a busy day tomorrow full of clients and wedding planning, but you're welcome to share a bed with me' he mutters, heading back to his bedroom leaving me. 

I ponder for a few minutes on the idea, I'm just being silly, nothing is going to happen to Magnus, he's one of the most powerful warlocks in the world, he'll be fine i think trying to calm myself. I lay back down and close my eyes. As soon as they're closed, images of Magnus' lifeless body fill my mind. 'Fuck this' I mutter to myself pulling the blankets off me, heading towards Magnus' room, I pick up my pillows and blankets and carry them with me.

I enter the room and see Magnus asleep with the blankets wrapped around his waist, my heart swells at the beautiful sight and I long to see this nightly. However I push the thoughts away and lay my blankets on the floor and place the pillows down. I lay down on them and finally fall back asleep, knowing Magnus is safe right next to me. 

When I woke up a few hours later instantly I hear voices shouting over each other. I sit up and notice Magnus isn't in bed. That's when I realise that it's Magnus and James shouting. 

I head out the bedroom and towards the kitchen where a glass is shattered on the floor and Magnus is picking up the pieces while James is stood biting his nails. I never did like it when people bit their nails. 

'Alec, morning' James says, noticing my presence first. Magnus keeps his eyes on the pieces of broken glass. 'Sleep well? With my fiancé?' James says in a accusing tone. 'I-I didn't, we didn't, I slept on the floor' I stutter out. 

'So surely if you're able to sleep on the floor you're able to go back to the institute?' James says in a harsh tone, his eyes are filled with anger and his finger tips are black. 'James, drop it' Magnus says, his tone sending a shiver down my spine. 'Look, James. I don't know what you're thinking. But Magnus and I are just friends. I had a nightmare that he was killed so I stayed in his room to make sure nothing actually happened. As for going back to the institute, it was far too late to go back once I had woken up. So stop questioning your fiancés loyalty' I rant. James was being utterly ridiculous. Nothing had happened between Magnus and I nor will anything ever happen between us. Purely because Magnus doesn't love me. He loves James. And the fact that James couldn't see that was stupid. 'He loves you James okay? Nothing will ever happen between Magnus and I because he loves you.' I finish off saying. My heart sunk with each word, however I knew James made Magnus happy, and that was all that mattered. Despite my feelings and what had happened last night I would never break those two up.

'And what about you? Do you love him?' James asks taking a step towards me. His hands are in his pockets, his eyes blazing with threat. Out of the corner of my eye I see Magnus look up to me, his gaze burning onto my skin in a harsher way than any run ever did. 'That's not relevant.' I say. I didn't want to lie, therefore I danced around the truth. 'That says it all' James mutters, taking his hands out of his pockets, he hits his shoulder against mine with force as he steps around me, leaving the kitchen and the apartment all together. I sigh deeply and close my eyes. For fuck sake I think to myself as I turn and collect my shoes, leaving the apartment, running after James. The rain beating down on me felt like it was leaving indentations. It doesn't take me long to catch up with james and I shout his name getting his attention. He turns to me, tears in his eyes. 'James? What's wrong?' I ask, genuinely concerned. 'He doesn't love me Alec. I know he doesn't' James mutters. 'H-how do you know?' I find myself asking in a pathetic manner.

'I see the way he looks at you dammit! I know how you feel about each other and I can't stand to be in the way of that any more Alec. I truly love Magnus but I know he doesn't love me back' James rants out to me. 'He's happy to marry you james. Ten years to a warlock is like no time at all so if you feel bad about being forced to marry him then don't. This is neither of your faults' I say trying to reason with him and calm him down. It wasn't working, his chest was still rising and falling rapidly and tears were still falling down his cheeks.

'That's just it. He doesn't have to marry me, this was all a coax' James says, looking to the floor ashamed. 

'A coax? But how? Everything seemed so real, you even met the council about meetings, a-and there was official paperwork and so much more' I say. The rain had finally started to cease up however I wish it would carry on, so that james wouldn't notice my tears. Why was I even crying? Maybe because Magnus didn't have to marry James. Or maybe it's because this dick was going to force Magnus into marriage. 'I wanted to be with Magnus. I've loved him for many centuries and I've watched him from afar, noticing how his heart would break within mere years of a relationship. I wanted to change that. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to love me. But now I finally realise he has you for that. I trust you not to break his heart Alexander.' The warlock said. Anger was still bubbling in my veins, yet I understood why James did what he did.

He cares for Magnus. Deeply. He just wanted to make him happy. 'I was able to bribe the council into doing this for me, making it look official and all' James continued to explain. It really was too much to take in. He shouldn't even be explaining this to me. It's Magnus who he should be saying this to, and when will he? 'You need to tell Magnus for me. I can't face him yet' James says answering my unvoiced question. 

'What about your stuff?' I ask. 'I'll come back for that when Magnus is ready to see me.' James says. He takes a step forward and looks me in the eyes, them shimmering with sorrow and heartbreak, 'please look after him Alexander' James says. Before I can answer he opens a portal and steps through it, leaving me alone. Thunder rumbles above me and it starts raining once again, I turn around and see Magnus stood on his balcony, his hair wet from the rain, his tank top clinging to him. 

He turns around heading back inside and I find myself walking back to his apartment, readying myself for the conversation ahead of me.

 

Tbh idk what this was but go with it


	13. Hugs

Every single inch of me feared for what was going to happen. I had no idea how Magnus would react, cry? Laugh? Would he be angry at James? At me? Then again he has no reason to feel anger towards me. What if he lashed out? How am I supposed to calm him down? How am I supposed to tell him this? Do I make him a brew sit him down and tell him? Or do I just rush it out? 

My hands and legs shook from low temperature and worry. I open Magnus' front door and let myself in. He smiles at me, and hands me a towel as soon as I step into the door. Magnus is always so kind. 

'Alexander, I'm really sorry for what you had to see today. I assure you james and I don't normally argue.' Magnus says. 

I doubt you'll ever argue again. 

'About that. Did you hear anything that James said to me?' I ask, fluffing my hair with a towel in an attempt to dry it. Magnus' face fills with confusion as his head tilts to the side, i feel a giggle creep up my throat however I swallowed it back down. 'Um, so it turns out you don't have to marry James. He was like in love with you and put the whole forced marriage thing on, I'm not entirely sure I don't really get it. He said it all so quickly' I said. My heart was pounding and I wouldn't be surprised if Magnus could hear it. 

With no warning Magnus beamed a smiled at me and ran and jumped into my arms, wrapping his legs around my waist holding himself up as he hugged me tightly. I felt him slipping and wrapped my arms around him also, pulling him back up. 

So many emotions were running through my body, I'm assuming Magnus was happy about it. Maybe he didn't love James after all. 

After a few minutes Magnus pulled away looking at me, his eyes had flecks of gold in them, and it reminded me of him, gold being as rare and precious as someone like Magnus Bane. His head started tilting and leaning forward.

Oh sweet Jesus, he's going to kiss me, I can't handle this. 

I close my eyes and lean forward just a little bit, hoping to meet Magnus' lips, however his lips came into contact with my cheek. I feel him pull away and my cheeks burn with embarrassment at how eager I was to kiss him. He unwraps his legs and jumps off me, 'go get ready, I'm taking you back to the institute' Magnus says patting my chest as he walks into his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was calling off the wedding just then too soon? Am I rushing this?


	14. Clizzy

'Honestly Alec, I don't know why you risk your life so often' Jace said to me as he walked into the training room. My fists were hitting the punching bag a thousand miles per hour and they were red and sore, however I couldn't find myself to stop. I had grown weak, almost died because I couldn't even hit one demon. I needed to train as much as I could.

By the sound of Jace's voice I stopped hitting the hanging bag in front of me and stretched my fingers, hoping to get rid of the cramp and loosen up my muscles. 'Everybody has their off days jace' I said, still rubbing my knuckles. 'True, but Alec lightwood doesn't. Anyway, it's good to have you back man, glad Magnus could fix you up in time for the wedding' have says wrapping white tape around his knuckles. 'I won't be attending the wedding' I say, before I'm able to say anything else jace looks to me wide eyed, 'why? Is this because of your feelings for Magnus?' He assumes. I roll my eyes and feel exhausted of the conversation already. I hadn't even told him how I felt about Magnus, he was just always able to tell. Our hearts beat as one so it wouldn't surprise me if he could feel mine speed up whenever Magnus was in the room.

'Look, this has nothing to do with my feelings for Magnus. That much. It turns out Magnus didn't need to marry James at all, James made up the whole thing because he was like in love with Magnus or something, anyway, when James realised that Magnus and I had feelings for each other he called it off. So not only will I not be attending the ceremony, nor will the two grooms' I explain to Jace. 

His face had several emotions, a single one I couldn't tell what it was. 'So Magnus is single again?' Jace asks as he carries on wrapping the white tape around his knuckles. I roll my eyes and answer him a yes, I go to stand behind the punching bag and hold it in place, ready for Jace to punch.

'So what are you doing here?' He asks punching the bag, knocking me back slightly. I grab a tighter grip, separate my feet a little more and hold onto the bag stronger.

'Because I've grown weaker. I need to train more' I answer honestly. 'Alec' Jace starts, he stops punching the bag that I was holding and stands back a bit to look at me, 'you can't blame yourself for what happened with the demon, like you just said, everyone messes up sometimes, and you just happened to be one of them'.

'Yeah well me 'messing up' did almost cost me my life' I say, starting to unwrap the white tape on my knuckles. I turn to face away from Jace and put my hoodie back onto my shoulders, and already I feel too hot. 

'Well still, go easy okay?' Jace says still holding onto the punching bag. 'Yeah I will, how are you and clary by the way?' I ask taking a seat on the bench. Drinking some water. 

I'd missed speaking to Jace quite a bit. I feel like I haven't seen him in months and I'd missed my parabatai. 'We uh, broke up last night' he answers fiddling with his hands. 

They'd broken up? That's shocking, I'd expect them to last a good few years more, than what they've already had. 'What could cause you guys to break up? I thought you were in love?' 

'We were, key word 'were'. We're not in love any more...in fact we have feelings for other people and while I don't exactly like who she has feelings for there's nothing I can do about it, I mean, if Izzy feels the same who am I to get in the way.' Jace explains as he runs a hand thought his hair, keeping it out of his eyes. A million questions were running through my mind at once, and I couldn't comprehend what he was telling me in all honesty. 

'Izzy? What's this got to do with Izzy?' I ask standing up, making my way over to him, stopping just in front of him. Jace sighs deeply and looks away from me, playing with the end of the piece of white tape on his hands, showing just how nervous he is. 'They kissed.' Jace says bluntly, my whole world spins as I imagine my sister kissing Clary. Anger fuels me, how could they do that to Jace. 

Without saying anything else I storm out the room and go on a hunt for the two girls, ignoring Jace's calls of my name.

Once I finally find them both, in Clary's room, trying on different outfits I feel myself get even more angry, 'you're kidding right? When were you even going to tell me you were into girls Izzy? And how could you both go behind Jace's back like that? He's our brother Izzy! And I thought you were still hung up on Meliorn?' I rant out as soon as I open the door. 

Izzy and Clary both sigh loudly and drop their outfits on Clary's bed. 'Alec, I was going to tell you I promise. But you almost died and you only came back last night, as for us 'betraying' Jace or whatever...he's not so innocent himself' Izzy says, defending them both. I know I'd acted irrationally but I expected better from Izzy, even clary. 

'What d'you mean?' I ask referring to Jace not being so innocent.

'He cheated on me first,' clary said starting to explain the whole situation which apparently I read into completely wrong 'he kissed Lydia Branwell when he went into Idris, apparently he's liked her for several weeks or whatever. We've spoken about it - Jace and I- and we're okay with this break up, it's quite a mutual thing if I'm honest. And the kiss? I went to Izzy crying and emotions were high and I just kissed her. None of this is Izzy's fault, so whatever negative emotion you're feeling towards Izzy stop' 

Groaning, I turn around and face away from the two girls, of course I just assumed the worst and went off on one. Izzy was my sister, how could I even assume the worst of her. I turn back to face the two girls 'izzy - and clary - I'm so sorry, like I didn't even let Jace explain, I just heard that you two had kissed and - god I'm sorry, both of you. I know you wouldn't do that to Jace, and I'm sorry he was such a dick to you about the whole Lydia thing' I say, I did genuinely feel really bad. I couldn't believe I had thought so low of Izzy and even clary. 

Within a few seconds of me saying Jace burst into the room, red faced and out of breathe 'look Alec, you got it all wrong' Jace says putting his hands out infront of him, approaching me as if I might attack him. 'It's okay Jace, clary explained' Izzy says coming to stand beside me. 

'Yeah, she also explained how you kissed Lydia Branwell. Nice going Jace, didn't really think you were like that to be honest but hey, guess you learn something new every day' I scold, crossing my arms over my chest as I narrow my eyes at him. 

'I know what I did was wrong but I've already explained how sorry I am and shit' Jace explained trying to calm me down. I rolled my eyes at him and turn to look at Izzy and Clary, 'you're both okay? And you Clary, with what Jace did' I ask, making sure both the girls are okay. 

'I mean, it would've been nice if we broke up first before he kissed Lydia, but Jace and I weren't happy at the end of our relationship, but we both are now. So what's there not to be okay about? To answer your question Alec, Izzy and I are both perfectly happy and okay with Jace' clary answers, kissing Izzy on the cheek, wrapping an arm around her waist, I see Izzy blush and smile, a smile she never showed around Meliorn. 

I turn back to Jace and he's looking at me with worry in his eyes, yes what he did was morally wrong but people have done things so much worse, Izzy and clary are happy and Jace is my parabatai. We need each other. 'Both the girls are okay therefore so am I' I say to Jace, his shoulders visibly relax and he smiles at me, 'thanks bro' he says coming over and hugging me. I hug him back and chuckle at him. 

'So how is Magnus?' Izzy asks as Jace and I pull away. 'He's alright. The wedding isn't happening any more, because it turns out james made the whole thing up, just because he was in love with Mags' I answer explaining what had happened over the last few days while I was at Magnus', leaving out kisses on hands and hugs as well as the nightmares. 

'Wait, if James is in love with Magnus why did he call off the wedding?' Clary asks. I sigh deeply and rub the back of my neck, 'James realised that...Magnus doesn't love him...but me. Well, Magnus doesn't love me, because he can't love me, but he likes me at least' 

'You owe me a tenner' Izzy says to Jace, who just groans and leaves the room, leaving clary and Izzy giggling. 'You do realise you can finally be with Magnus right?' Izzy says. 'No Iz, it's not as simple as that' I say, playing with my hands, 'look, you and I both know it is. You simply ignore anyone who's against it and anyway, Raj is openly gay' Izzy says. 'Yeah but Raj isn't dating a downworlder whom most Shadowhunters don't get along with' I retort back. 'Oh come on big brother, most of those who don't get along with downworlders are...no offence but gonna die soon' Izzy states bluntly, clary snorts beside her and I give her a knowing look for disrespecting our elders however I'm fighting a smile, and Izzy knows that. 'Anyway, your happiness comes first big brother. And Magnus makes you the happiest anyone ever has, please stop repressing your feelings for him, you both finally have a chance to be happy. I'm not saying it will be easy but it won't be easy for clary and I, but we're all in this together' Izzy says, 'like in High School Musical' Clary adds on, smiling brightly. 'What?' Izzy and I both ask at the same time, 'what the hell is that? Is it an actual school?' I ask, I couldn't even begin to imagine what the mundanes had done to name something so atrocious. 

'We'll watch it together one day. All of us, Magnus, Jace, Lydia and even Simon and Raphael' Clary says a determined look on her face. 

I roll my eyes and turn to leave the room 'don't forget about what I said big brother' is the last thing I hear Izzy say before I open and close the door behind me, sighing I lean against it. 

Izzy is right. I do deserve to be happy, but what about the institute, I can't bring that kind of shadow onto Magnus, knowing not everyone here is the fondest of him. I want Magnus to feel comfortable wherever he goes and if people know that me and him are together they might be difficult with him and he doesn't deserve that. I can't be known to bring that upon him. 

He's been heartbroken enough in his lifetime and I refuse to add myself to the list. We would never work, not because I don't want us to but because the clave wouldn't allow it. He deserves someone like him, a warlock, someone who can please him right, someone with experience, someone with less emotional baggage, someone with less rules and commandments to live by. 

Magnus deserves someone that's not a Shadowhunter. Someone that's not me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to the Hamilton soundtrack when writing this BC I bloody love that musical omg
> 
> Hope you liked it guys, and hope it all made sense, comment what you thought:*


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